it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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