and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
