Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
