Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
