He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize