omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
