im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Drake has all the answers
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
