You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
