I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
