One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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