It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
