I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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