Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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