After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
