I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
