Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
