glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
