So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
