We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
