I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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