I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
