i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My bed smells like the plague
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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