He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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