hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize