I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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