How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
