omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
