I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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