What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
