omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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