Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
