no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just made out with a guy for $7.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
