He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
