It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
