i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
