I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
