just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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