remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
