How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My dick has a subreddit
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
