don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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