Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
