Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
