How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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