Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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