Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
