At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
