xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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