we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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