i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
