you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
being pregnant is like rehab
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
