You're earring is so big in my mouth
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
