you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I look better un-naked...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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