Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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