well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
