spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
