then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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