If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
