she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
im six kinds of drunk right now
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
