hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
