We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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