Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
