Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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