My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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