i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
