ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
