I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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