ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
