in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
