Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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