I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
