i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
