I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
