i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
