I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat