I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
