Texts From Last Night

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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!

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  (763): that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her! http://tfl.nu/ypk8
  Replies (48) Good night (4779) Bad night (672)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.

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  (404): can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out. http://tfl.nu/5bm3
  Replies (65) Good night (1753) Bad night (3875)
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  (516): View more from New York

  and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants

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  (516): and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants http://tfl.nu/bet3
  Replies (14) Good night (14352) Bad night (1166)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up

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  (412): I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up http://tfl.nu/fu0m
  Replies (22) Good night (5539) Bad night (2865)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".

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  (412): He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up". http://tfl.nu/5shs
  Replies (39) Good night (11526) Bad night (2055)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.

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  (815): drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me. http://tfl.nu/k6i1
  Replies (4) Good night (4014) Bad night (1052)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.

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  (979): She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today. http://tfl.nu/i2c6
  Replies (8) Good night (956) Bad night (5399)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.

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  (410): well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed. http://tfl.nu/tir7
  Replies (17) Good night (1311) Bad night (2853)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.

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  (816): If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing. http://tfl.nu/vitq
  Replies (3) Good night (1317) Bad night (1294)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?

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  (724): My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's? http://tfl.nu/cp3t
  Replies (14) Good night (2651) Bad night (757)
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  (415): View more from California

  White people are beatboxing! Save me.

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  (415): White people are beatboxing! Save me. http://tfl.nu/ywqe
  Replies (4) Good night (715) Bad night (1211)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot

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  (440): She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot http://tfl.nu/ybed
  Replies (6) Good night (647) Bad night (865)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it

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  (203): I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it http://tfl.nu/jm8h
  Replies (3) Good night (399) Bad night (554)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'

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  (303): IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN' http://tfl.nu/e3tp
  Replies (0) Good night (606) Bad night (281)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.

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  (502): I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it. http://tfl.nu/5ytq
  Replies (4) Good night (305) Bad night (484)

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