did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
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Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.