my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.