how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident