I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.