every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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