i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
