Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
