He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
this hospital has no fireball
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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