im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
