the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
